Can They Kick It? (Yes They Can)

The new "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem" is a perfect mixture of homage to 90s golden years and authentic, hilariously illustrated 2020s teenhood, and I am here for it.

You may ask - do you even remember the 90s? And what do you know about teenaged boy debauchery, you 28-year-old woman?

And I'll tell ya these are some excellent questions. I find myself neatly situated as a 1995 baby, barely a Millennial but not quite Gen Z, and certainly not a Zoomer. Growing up with a 1989 older brother and a family nostalgic for movies of many decades certainly pushed me into falling in love with pop culture and cult classics like "Clueless," "Batman Forever" and "Death Becomes Her."

Honestly, if you remember Bruce Willis with hair and were totally traumatized by the "FernGully" oil monster - let's just say you were a 90s kid. And for me, a huge part of being a 90s kid was watching the 1990 "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" VHS on repeat and thinking that being a martial artist master that eats pizza in the sewers of New York City with her misfit family might be the coolest possible end game ever.

We ATE UP these costumes without the blink of an eye. Not nightmare fuel for a 90s kid, but maybe nightmare fuel for newer generations and the actors that had to wear them.

But when hip, cool, curly haired journalist April O'Niel got to join the gang and go side by side with Donatello, Mikey, Raph, Leo and the dumb-but-lovable Casey Jones to take down Shredder and the literal gang of troubled teen delinquents, I watched every second of it.

COWABUNGA!

TMNT had me from the epic riffs in the opening scenes, kept me hooked with the "Pizza dude's got 30 seconds" and lived as one of my favorite films forever with Casey's consistent sports references and irreverent city attitude.

The joyous absurdity of even the conceptual idea is so perfect. Teenagers. Mutants. Ninjas. Turtles. Crazy, right? But somehow, it works, and it's captivated audiences since the 80s. We'll just conveniently forget about that one 2014 iteration that was far too violent and adult and simply never digs out of the uncanny valley.

Like for real, what were they thinking with this CGI mess? They look rather aged and developed for teenagers, even ninja turtle mutant ones. What 16-year-old do you know has biceps the size of your torso? And when did TMNT go all Dark Knight?

Anyway...Mutant Mayhem.

The latest and, I'll admit it, greatest version of this tale came in August 2023. This version successfully focuses on the "teenage" aspect of the TMNT brand and is the first time the turtles are voiced by actual teens. The animation is akin to the artistry of the Spider-Verse movies and showcases the characters in gangly, adolescent turtle bodies.

They joke around, they use technology, they have dreams of fitting in and living a bigger and better life outside of hiding in the sewers. We laugh and think "awe :(" and we get the ever-present wholesome reminder that you can choose your family, and there's always someone out there who will accept you if you try your best and be yourself. And defeat a horrifying monster attempting to destroy the city. That helps.

For me, the only thing that I don't absolutely love is the reversed character development for Splinter.

In the 90s TMNT, Splinter is a wise old sage. He can crack jokes when it's appropriate, but overall he leads and guides his adopted sons with rational, reasonable rules and moments of care and love. This Splinter, though voiced by Jackie Chan, whom I adore, had me cringing several times throughout the film.

The freakishly overly protective, out of touch goofy rat dad in a sweater vest that eventually falls in love with Scumbag, an ooey gooey mutant cockroach woman that communicates through grunts and other disconcerting noises, was all a bit much for me.

But I'd say Splinter Chan makes up for it while *spoiler alert* breaking his sons out of a lab with some epic ninja moves. And I'm sure real-life Jackie was grateful a cartoon was doing all of the action.

At the end of it though, this 90s kid left the theater humming a new playlist.

Possibly the best homage to the history of turtles past is the epic beats chosen for the film. I had honestly forgotten about Ninja Rap (crazy, I know), and my reinvigorated love for the calmer almost slam poetry lyrics with sampled backbeats came alive with Eye Know and A Tribe Called Quest.

So, can they kick it?

Yes, absolutely they can.